Worst Fic Evar
by Zenith the Hedgehog
Summary: By the way, I put glue on her car seat.


_**Note:** I made this time killer about two months ago, but when its original script format made it subject to removal, I reduxx'd it into a "real" fanfic. So this time it's less hilariously bad than it was. So go ahead, read if you dare._

* * *

Tails stared on and off at the half-mezmerizing TV screen. He held a plastic weapon Andrew Buch style. "I'm gonna FC Trippolette on Expert," he boasted like a boss.

A blue hedgehog, liable to put down our nerdy friend for his two tails, heard this remark and retorted, "Isn't that like, the impossible song?"

"Watch and weep."

A minute later, the young fox stared at the corrupted data on the screen in disbelief. Sonic just couldn't get enough entertainment. "Hahahahaha. You couldn't get past the solo."

I'm kinda like Tails in that I can't take a joke, neither. "Shut up! I was just warming up. Now prepare to eat your words."

"Whatever," the cobalt chump said half to himself as the fox, agitated from failing the song at the same spot at which he'd been failing for the past five months, motioned the cursor to "Restart".

Triplet after triplet, even as he concentrated ever so carefully, he missed note after note all over the place until the rock meter totally drained and the music score ceased mid-solo. "What da—"

"ROFL. You fail at this game."

The fox boy got defensive. "Well if the hammer-ons weren't so gay, I woulda combo'd it first try!"

I sure wish that would shut blue up. But no: "Doesn't change the fact that you failed the song. And I thought you was good at plastic guitar."

"I am, ok!? I'm just not comfortable on the PS2."

Sonic laughed at his dumb excuse. "Suit yourself. I'm gonna go back upstairs." He left for the basement, where hopefully he wouldn't have to deal with that obscene scene.

Tails, tired of following his former idol, was just about ready to prove that he was one to take seriously, that he was worthy of being in a club that had eluded him for eight years, that included Sonic, Shadow, Rouge, Knuckles, even Amy. "I am wasting my time," he said to himself when he was sure no one was around him. "I'm gonna go defeat Eggman once and for all."

* * *

"ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! SHADOW, RUN!"

Rouge the Bat was running (yes, running; her left wing was badly damaged) from the Sparta that ensued behind her. The mob of undead creatures had invaded Station Square in a matter of two minutes. Soon enough, there was no place to hide from the flesh-feasting, beast-like epidemic.

Shadow the Hedgehog, hearing her bloodcurdling cry of panic, suddenly jolted his head backwards (and almost ripped a tendon) to see if the zombies were headed his way. They were. An idea suddenly popped into his head. "No, I think I'll stay here."

The Bat Girl was dumbfounded at his decision to let them eat his brains out. Trying to convince him otherwise, she yelled, "But they're gonna eat your brains out until you're dead!" Little did she know that the circumstances were just right for him to reunite with someone whom he actually knew, who wasn't just a random memory embedded into his brain, like the freakin' lie his life may have been.

* * *

Sonic thought he had something stuck in his left ear. At the same time, he thought something was missing from the scene. The clock on the stove read 3:47 pm. Usually he'd try to kill the two hours that came after 3:30, his least favorite time of the day, by playing Call of Duty, going for a quick dash across three corners of Knothole Village, helping Tails with whatever appalling project he just so happened to be working on, or just plain doing nothing. But then the name "Tails" hit him. No wonder his house was unusually quiet. "Amy, have you seen Tails anywhere lately?"

Amy, who had just finished polishing the silverware, shrugged. The fox's circumstance didn't matter to her in the least. "I thought Tails said he could look after himself."

"That's a lot of baloney," he complained, clearly exposing his true feelings for the fox boy (or girl, as he liked to suspect since the day they met in that uncool manner).

A red echidna bolted from the basement, having overheard the two hedgehogs' pleasant conversation regarding a certain twin-tailed fox. "Sonic, are you ever gonna give him a chance? He really looks like he can do stuff by himself."

"Knuckles, I don't care what he says or what you say, he's still only eight. I'm gonna check up on him."

Amy started, "But Sonic, what about..." But the blue blur was out the door before you could say "zombies".

* * *

_So this must be Eggman's lair,_ a young fox said to himself upon stumbling upon that technologically advanced hellhole. _He always rebuilds it somewhere far away from the last location. And it's always because of Sonic. But this time, he's not here. Now _I_ can save the day for once!_

A nearby SWATbot, specially programmed to keep out intruders, beeped in an easily identifiable robotic tone, "I WILL DESTROY YOU YOU SILLY FOX."

"Not if I can help it!" Tails shouted; _this_ time, he meant business. "I may be small, but... nah, whatever." He wouldn't quote Jimmy Neutron if his life depended on it. That idea only lasted until he got to destroying Eggman's henchbots, so to speak, without the help of his idol-turned-rival. And needless to say, he was in fact, making progress.

* * *

"Dammit!" Shadow openly complained. He'd looked all over Station Square, at every last corner, as hard as possible for an Ultimate Lifeform, careful not to run into an undead creature's path and end up as its prey. There was one zombie in particular out of a possible 435 that he could not locate.

Rouge was clearly uncertain as to why she was still tagging behind that problematic hedgehog. "Why are you doing this again?"

"That's classified," he replied simply.

"You just wanna die, don't you?" The Bat Girl sincerely hoped that this was not the case, even though it was her first instinct as to why he always tried to do one thing, not giving a damn about the consequences. The truth was, this was always natural to him.

The ebony freak's purpose for this awkward action didn't appear to please her at all. "That's right. That's why I've been trying to find—"

"That one girl," the bat from New Orleans interrupted. "I get it already. I forget what her name was. You know what, don't remind me. I'm done with you." She turned in the opposite direction and stormed off. "Go find some other lousy—"

Shadow, suddenly remembering that he hadn't told her about "that one girl" at all, interrupted the bat girl's sentence before she could bump the rating of this fic to M. "That's what I've been trying to do!"

* * *

He was usually quick to locate Dr. Eggman's lair even after all those times his plans had been foiled. He was also good at covering up any evidence that suggested he was ever there. Hoping to find his buddy fox somewhere around the intricate fortress, he hid behind a backstop. He wanted to know what the boy was up to _this_ time, and also apologize for making him have to put up with his put-downs, cruel jokes, shuns, and mature talk.

"There's Tails!" he said finally, his ears twitching, making his expression crystal clear. "What the fridge... he's battling Eggman without me!" This really shouldn't have startled the cobalt chump that much, considering he was still questioning whether trying to make up was really worth stalking our two-tailed friend.

Meanwhile, Eggman was only contributing to the taunts that were influenced by the fox boy's twin tails, making him relive his nightmarish childhood. "Hey Tails, where's your blue buddy? Is he coming to help you stop me at all? Heheheheh."

Tails shouted defensively, like the tough guy he liked to think he was, "You wish! If Sonic gets here at all—"

"What, would you act like the damn princess from Sonic 06?" he interrogated hilariously. "Or that immature kid from Sonic X?"

At that stupid remark, the fox boy lost it. "They're always about Sonic! I need my own game for once!"

"Hey, I still have to have my own game more than you," Eggman reminded him in a suddenly serious tone, having noticed that something in particular, other than himself perhaps, was getting on his nerves. "I mean, you've already had two _suckish_ games..."

The fox suddenly got an idea, now that he knew there was at least one thing upon which he and Dr. Eggman could agree. He walked toward the death egg machine and motioned his finger in his direction. Eggman closely followed. Tails leaned to his ear and casually whispered, "Tell you what — if you let me aid you in destroying that blue hedgehog... I won't destroy your base."

The doctor thought long and hard. The same annoying fox boy who'd pretended to side with his "idol", now shared the same devious plan as himself. "You know, I really like where you're going with this," he said to our furry friend's surprise. But there was still a problem he needed to have answered: "What if Sonic is plotting something against us as we speak?"

A familiar voice struck someone's ears hard. "Hey guys, you having a party or what?"

The fox jolted his head around, and was just about ready to freak out at what he saw. "Wait... Sonic!?"

The blue blah was annoyed by that response. "Come on, Tails. Don't act like you don't remember me."

"That does it!" Tails spazzed. "I don't know you anymore! I'm outa here!" He stormed away from that over 9000, leaving Eggman to deal with that cobalt pest.

Instead of the betrayal feeling that you'd expect the robot builder to have after that little display, he looked up and noticed a timer that neared the ten minute mark. "Well, it looks like game over for you, Sonic!" he said in a pleasant manner. Finally the blue hedgehog would be unable to stop him from taking over the universe!

"Wait... what—" Sonic said, confuzed by this smart remark. But he would never get to finish his last sentence. He had just barely glimpsed at the timer that hung infinitely above him before he collapsed.

At the sight of the dead rodent, Eggman literally flipped in ecstacy. It was the perfect time to throw the biggest party ever in honor of this timely demise. He hung a banner on the entrance to his base that read, "SONIC'S DEAD! PARTY AT EGGMAN'S!" And yes, everyone would be invited — his friends, his enemies, his henchbots, the fox with the punny name (and the rare surname, at least for an anthro), me, the zombies... and the Mongols.

It was a horrible time for Amy Thorn to be caught in the midst of the zombie apocalypse, which now included a black hedgehog. Wherever his girl was, whatever her name was, at least he could be with her again. "SONIC, HELP ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—" she screamed, not knowing that the blue hedgehog would never be there again to save her from her inevitable demise.

* * *

_Don't bother asking for another chapter; it doesn't need to be as terrible as it already is. So go flame this all you want._


End file.
